Threats

Today could have been great. It seemed like it was going to be okay. Day 6 of a med-less child, and he is finally starting to come into the normalcy, but of course, I got my hopes up again.
Alex finished the night with a fit of ugly temper, asking me what I was going to do and I finally lost it. I mean really how much stress can a person live with?
My husband doesn't have to, he gets to go to work, he spends his nights not fighting with teenagers, not being afraid of psychotic exes, and mostly not living the insanity, and then he threatens me with divorce, because I finally have had enough. Really, you are going to threaten me, grow up, I spend all my time building bridges, and he decides to threaten to leave. I hear this all the time from someone, Josh is going to leave, then what am I gonna do? I hate to say it but I truly hope he does so he can see how good it is here. A 17 year old who threatens, ooh big fear, maybe you should worry about graduating first? Alex threatens to join the military and when you try and explain the reason he can't he threatens to move out and go to another country and show me he can be in the military. I wonder if it would cause an international incident? He talks about becoming a dictator all the time. He tells me how great he is doing and then he tells me again, again and again. Do I seem angry, I am cause sometimes you need a little extra support and I guess i need to find someplace where i can get the support i cannot get at home. 
  I love them, but sometimes, when i am tired and my head is throbbing, and my arm is on fire, I just need a little help. Today was that day... 

May I have another please Sir

Living with a teenager who is detoxing from years of meeds is like shooting yourself in the foot.
First is the blank stare, directly followed by the utter howl of pain and frustration. I am at the utter howl.
Trying a new concept, not buying in. Not working as well as hoped, course my ears can only handle an hour of ShrillShreeky (you know the noise attached to your a name when they are sent to bed. )
I want quiet insanity, well behaved children, who sit quietly. Stepford children look pretty good to me now. But who would liven my day then? I would probably. Go crazy trying to figure out why they aren't try ing to kill me

Saying Goodnight

Saying goodnight can take hours at my house. We start at 9pm. we had a schedule, and my husbands boss changed his hours and now, its hard for us to get back into a schedule.

My oldest son just came out and wants to talk about socks and toothpaste, and why he isn't in bed, and he wanders through the house yelling about this and that and I am weary.

My youngest son has so far today threatened to beat up his brother, refused to help go get a car, argued with his mother and yelled at me for talking to him.

How do you get this far and not lose your mind? I want to have a normal quiet house where the kids don't yell shut up and scare you? I want to be able to put my children to bed, and have them go to bed. Goodnight Josh I say it for the millionth time, and I am tired of saying goodnight.
Lights out boys, and they explain why its still on, then they argue with each other, and finally the voices start to fade and they drift into a slumber.
I stop and say a quiet pray maybe I get to rest tonight. I am an insomniac because for the last 17 years of my life, I would wake when Josh woke, and sleep in those random moments of joy & silence.
Today I just want a quiet nights sleep...

In the Beginning - How did I get here???

My son Alex is 15 years old and he has aspergers, my son Josh has Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder or whatever the newest name is. Funny how life works, One won't sit still and one won't move.
My pregnancies were normal, no drinking, quit smoking, ate well, and yet, I have these 2. I have 2 other children. They are girls, and one is a diva and one is off to college, and they are just pretty girls who live their lives with normal teenage angst, drama and life.

The boys are a wonder of ideas, thoughts, movements, and here we sit. This is my I need a break from the insanity of them. If you can't talk to someone, prepare to die alone..