A New Day

    Alex is on a new med, Invega, I don't know if this is a good thing, or a bad thing, but I know my son, can't be without drugs.
   Today he said he loved me, but he resented me for making him take drugs, how do you explain to your son, he is scary when he doesn't take his meds. I told him, you can't throw a couch across the living room, and you can't flip grownups like pancakes.
     His two therapists, and yes I said two, all agree, he has to have boundaries. So we set boundaries, and he is the best child...right up until he gets started. And anyone who has a child who gets aggressive and then cries, and says he is sorry, knows how hard it is when they get started to slow it, or stop it.  I love my son, and when he had his last anger outburst, it took, three adults to hold him down, until he could stop. He has grown 3 inches and gained 20 pounds since then.
    How do you wait for the medication to turn this raging animal into your handsome son? How do you watch him grow, knowing he isn't changing and the developmental tasks are hanging back in the hidden parts of his mind, and you look for them so hard, but its just not there.
   Lord, Let his be a new day, where my son finds joy, and understands the joy. Where he laughs a heartful, gut-tearing laugh, and it is funny. Where my son lives in a world bright with beauty, and we are there with him.
  Lord please give me a new day...